Conspiracy theorist’s guide to investigation

By June 29, 2017Society

I and some others bumped into a moon-landing denier today, and I was impressed with a Facebook reply by Chris Ward. This is taken and slightly modified from that post.

  1. Develop your conspiracy theory.
  2. Conspiracy Theorists should realise that research does not consist of studying things, doing experiments, making observations like those discredited scientists, but looking things up on the internet.
  3. Any evidence that supports the conclusion must be accepted as reliable and accurate without question or scrutiny, no matter from whom or from where it comes.
  4. Any evidence of any kind that debunks your conclusion must be immediately rejected as being ‘fake’ or ‘lies’, no matter from whom or from where the evidence comes.
  5. Anyone who disagrees with your conclusion, or questions your methods, should be immediately labelled a ‘sheep’, accused of wearing a ‘tinfoil hat’, told to ‘wake up’, or told to ‘do your research’ (see item 2).
  6. Anyone who agrees with your conclusion and believes your every word is a ‘free thinker’, a ‘sceptic’, ‘uncorrupted’, or ‘hasn’t been brainwashed’.
  7. Expert witnesses are only reliable if they agree with you. If they disagree with you they have been got at by {insert name} (e.g. Government, Big Pharma, The Left, The Right, The Middle, Aliens, CIA, MI6, ASIO, Mossad)
  8. When faced with overwhelming evidence debunking your conclusion, refer to Item 3 above.
  9. Top Secret, highly classified, highly sensitive, dangerous information that could topple the government; information only accessible by those government employees with the highest security clearance, is easily found on YouTube or by typing your conspiracy into Google.

Conspiracy Theorists should always realise that they are up against an opponent who can do anything they wish, and can fake anything they wish, including global warming, moon landings, mars landings, volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, terrorist attacks and landslides. This opponent has the remainder of the world’s most powerful people and scientists in their pocket, and most other people numbed by filling the air with ‘mind-control’ chemicals sprayed by commercial aircraft. They control the media and almost all of the internet, as well as the planet’s banks, most universities and scientific organisations, and most governments. They have the most advanced technology and can snoop on anyone, anywhere, anytime, but fortunately for the world they are powerless to shut down your conspiracy website, or stop you googling in your basement or garage.

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