Across the vast expanse of human history, whenever a systemic injustice is set to be addressed, a garbled chorus of conservatives incoherently shit themselves, terrified that things are about to become less awful for someone else. This is a well worn and readily exploitable pattern. Gay marriage was set to Domino Effect us into marrying sheep and tractors, Australia’s moral compass ablaze in a barnyard orgy of inappropriate but innovative uses of farmyard implements. Needless to say, this did not happen. The apology to the Stolen Generations was going to lead Australia down an endless path of compensation lawsuits, bankrupting the nation as wealth funnelled its way into remote communities bursting with gold chains, teeth grills and Cadillacs bouncing on hydraulic suspension. This didn’t happen either. Mabo and the Land Rights movement was going to lead to white Australians losing their homes. I’m sure you’ll be shocked, but this hasn’t come to pass. And allowing women to vote was going to destroy the wisdom believed inherent in democratic decision making. Democracy is a little on the fritz, admittedly, but even Andrew Tate couldn’t blame that exclusively on women. Didn’t happen.

Dave Milner

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