Rapture rupture

Some weeks ago, some religious nutter argued online that the rapture* was going to happen on the 9^th of April. I am typing this on the 10^th of April so it seems that this nutter’s arithmetic was awry, or like the rest of these rapture prophets, he was delusional.

This morning, when it was clear that the rapture had flopped, some wag posted a headline from the oxymoronic ‘Fox News’ stating that the rapture was going to happen on the 23^rd of April. This was clearly a joke, as chasing this date up via Google demonstrated that the headline from Fox was from 2018. Apparently a ‘christian numerologist’, one David Meade, believed the so-called Planet X, also known as Nibiru, was going to appear “above the sky” (?) on the April date, causing volcanic eruptions, tsunamis and earthquakes¹.

The Fox garbage was taken from an interview by the UK newspaper Express, which more correctly called Meade a ‘christian conspiracy theorist’. In the interview, Meade described it as “a unique once-in-a-century sign exactly as depicted in the 12th chapter of Revelation. This is our time marker”².

As if to demonstrate the stupidity of the people who run the Fox website, and the gullibility of those who read it regularly, this ‘story’ is almost a carbon copy of a story from the year before (published on the 15^th of September, 2017), when they quoted ‘christian numerologist’ (you guessed it), David Meade who claimed that the world was going to end on Saturday, September 23^rd of that year³, when another planet was supposed to collide with the earth. The funny thing was he referred to assorted verses from the bible and stated that recent events (a solar eclipse and Hurricane Harvey) were signs of the apocalypse⁴.

In recent days there has been a total eclipse across Mexico, the US and Canada⁵, and a 4.8 magnitude earthquake a few kilometres west of New York City⁶. What happened when these signs were ‘decoded’ by people like Meade? Like him, they believe it portended the coming apocalypse. Some of these morons even stated that the eclipse will ‘not only cover the entire earth, but last up to five days’. Clearly they do not know what an eclipse is. A video ‘interpreting’ these phenomena even stated: “Photons and electromagnetic particles that travel at the speed of light and will act as a barrier or temporary shield around the earth, preventing the light of the sun or the stars from passing through it”⁷. You would have to be exceptionally gullible and ignorant to believe this word salad. However, that is what these religious spivs trade on; ignorance and gullibility. 

In an earlier item on this blog, I suggested that maybe some christians are starting to catch on that these apocalyptic rantings are laughable. However, it seems that not enough of them are catching on. I am hopeful that some of these religious conspiracy theories or apocalyptic ramblings are simply piss-takes by people who need a good laugh at the expense of the terminally thick. One other online wag suggested he might buy numerous inflatable dolls, fill them with helium and release them around an evangelical church, just to see the looks on the faces of the religious when they realise that they are not ‘pure’ enough to be raptured. I’d kick the tin for that one.

* The Rapture: This is a belief which is a major part of the current teaching of fundamentalist and other evangelical denominations. It predicts that Jesus will return from heaven and all ‘saved’ individuals, both dead and alive, will rise up and join Jesus in the sky. What constitutes a saved person varies from sect to sect within the Christian religion. Some believe that it is determined by one’s actions while alive, while others consider that it is solely determined by how fervent is one’s belief in Jesus, while others believe it depends on how much money you donate to your church. There is also some variation in the interpretations as to whether this return will happen before the poo hits the fan, or afterwards⁸.

Sources

1. https://www.foxnews.com/science/biblical-prophecy-claims-the-rapture-is-coming-april-23-numerologist-says
2. https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/944211/end-of-the-world-rapture-april-23-prediction
3. https://blotreport.com/2023/09/27/some-are-catching-on/
4. https://www.foxnews.com/science/biblical-prophecy-claims-the-world-will-end-on-sept-23-christian-numerologists-claim
5. https://www.abc.net.au/news/2024-04-09/north-american-total-solar-eclipse/103683856
6. https://www.reuters.com/world/us/magnitude-55-earthquake-strikes-new-york-new-jersey-emsc-2024-04-05/
7. https://www.dailydot.com/debug/2024-solar-eclipse-conspiracy-theories/
8. https://blotreport.com/2019/07/22/the-numerous-second-comings/